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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28554339">Dancing Thoughts Of You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfheart/pseuds/Wolfheart'>Wolfheart</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Caleb Widogast Deserves Nice Things, Dancing, F/M, Family Feels, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Caleb Widogast, Polyamory Negotiations, Requited Love, Secret Crush, Self-Loathing Caleb Widogast, Slow Dancing, hints at - Freeform, spoilers up to episode 111</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:27:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,704</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28554339</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfheart/pseuds/Wolfheart</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Mighty Nein go to a tavern to dance and drink their nerves away after a tense encounter with the Cerberus Assembly. Caleb gets stuck in his head with too many thoughts, and Veth confronts him about all of it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nott | Veth Brenatto/Caleb Widogast, didn't want to tag them since it's not the main pairing, hints at Yeza/Veth/Caleb, side pairings of Fjord/Jester and Beau/Yasha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dancing Thoughts Of You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I honestly spent 20 minutes trying to figure out a summary for this damn fic LOL. Consider this a very late entry for Veth/Caleb week. Happy 2021 everyone!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The lavish tavern here in Rexxentrum was thriving with life. There were people packed throughout, making the large establishment feel a lot smaller than it was. Every table was filled. There were no seats left at the bar, and people were leaning over the railings on the second floor that overlooked the main floor below. Patrons clinked their mugs together, raised them up, and swayed to the music the bards played. A popular song played, and several drunk patrons were singing loud and offkey without care. </p><p>There was a clearing in the middle of the tavern that served as a dance floor to everyone. A few merry bards played nearby with an array of instruments. One bard in particular who played a fiddle was twirling and skipping his way through the crowd. Every person he skipped up to grinned wide and sang louder than they had been. Some people blushed and giggled at the attention, and others just watched, tipsy, smiles content.</p><p>The Mighty Nein joined in on the fun. Well, Jester persuaded, pushed, and prodded the Mighty Nein members to join in anyway. The blue tiefling had gotten swept up in the excitement of the crowd. During the drum solo in the song, the fiddler who had made its way to their group took hold of Jester’s hand. He guided her through the crowd with a wink, twirled her once, and continued with the music. Jester laughed, more of a loud giggle, and made no move to return to their table. </p><p>Yasha had joined after the next song played. There were a few too drunk humans that were getting too chummy with Jester to her liking. She shoved herself, all of her massive height and broad shoulders, in between them and cast the strangers a sharp look to convey the message that they needed to fuck off. Jester smiled, grateful, and grabbed Yasha’s hands. She swayed their arms to the music as she tried to yell encouragements for Yasha to dance over the noise of the tavern.</p><p>Beau hopped into the fray when a dance battle broke out. The crowd parted to give the competitors room, pumping fists into the air, whistling, and shouting at the scene. It was an opportunity Beau couldn’t pass up, especially when she spotted the asshole that had given some of the Mighty Nein and the bartenders shit earlier in the middle of the fray. Beau stretched out her arms, cracked her knuckles, and pushed her way through the crowd. It didn’t take long to persuade the crowd to her side. A chant began to ring through the tavern.</p><p>“Beau! Beau! Beau!”</p><p>The bar filled with people chanting the monk’s name, pumping fists in the air to cheer her on. Fjord, who was trying to avoid this whole thing, was pulled into the crowd quite literally by Beau. She yanked him out of his seat by the arm. Fjord yelped in alarm as the crowd continued to cheer. His face burned as he heard Jester’s wooing and shouting emanating somewhere in the sea of people. The wide grin on Beau’s face showed how unapologetic she felt before openly challenging him in the dance off. Fjord hesitated, a large awkward grin stretched across his face. It wasn’t until he locked eyes with Jester through the crowd that he took a deep breath in and accepted.</p><p>Fjord was, shockingly, not as terrible as some of the Nein expected. His dance moves proved a little awkward and clumsy at first, but the few bold and flashy moves he pulled wooed the crowd. Beau burst out laughing at one point, doubling over and half proud when Fjord leaped up onto a table to strike a pose.</p><p>Caduceus stayed on the edge of the dance floor, casual but participating with a soft smile on his face. He too had been guided in by Jester to dance when a less provocative song played. Even after their dance was over, he decided to stay side by side with Yasha. The two of them just swayed their hips, more shifting their weight than dancing, but they were both content.</p><p>Veth wasn’t dancing but was standing up on chairs and tables during the excitement. She cupped her hands over her mouth to shout above the crowd, willing to yell until she lost her voice if it meant shouting insults and booing Beau and Fjord’s competitors. It was all and all a nice change from the intense and harsh exchange they had with a few Cerberus Assembly members earlier that day.</p><p>All of them were participating in this fun except for Caleb. He was sitting off in one of the far corners, having moved tables when the dance floor grew to overlap some of the sitting area. It wasn’t quiet, just out of the way. There wasn’t a way to avoid the noise of the tavern unless you were maybe upstairs and way down the hall in one of the few rooms this place rented out. Caleb alternated between watching the Nein and staring back down at the plate of mostly untouched food in front of him. He had two empty mugs of ale already sitting on the table, and he planned to order another the second the barmaid came back around. There was something haunted about his gaze. The occasional smile on his face was genuine when he watched the Mighty Nein, but there was a hollowness in his eyes. He couldn’t stop his mind from drifting in and out of his surroundings.</p><p>“… <em> Caleb!” </em></p><p>The redheaded man jolted. Most people were watching the dancefloor or ordering more food and drink. He should have realized one person in particular was bound to spot him out. He stared wide-eyed at Veth Brenatto who yelled over the noise right next to him.</p><p>When did she approach?</p><p>The last he’d seen of her was across the room flipping the bird at the man her and Beau were determined to crush the spirit of. None of the Nein felt sympathy for the guy. He had catcalled some women earlier and had given both the bartender and some of the Mighty Nein a hard time. Caleb had felt a moment of contentment watching the crowd boo him off the dancefloor at Beau’s performance. That had been fifteen minutes ago now, Caleb realized. He really was zoning out.</p><p>Caleb greeted, “Oh. Hello.”</p><p>Veth glared up at him. Caleb didn’t feel on edge by his companion’s discontent, just confused. She questioned, “Why are you not dancing?”</p><p>“I--.”</p><p>“<em> Mr. Clay </em> is dancing!” Veth shot an arm out, waving towards the large firbolg that towered over the crowd. Even in a busy room, it was easy to find their pink-haired cleric. “You have to dance.”</p><p>Caleb’s voice caught in his throat. He wasn’t sure how he was about to respond, but it didn’t matter. The halfling woman slipped her hand into his and gave a small tug. Despite her insistent tone, there wasn’t a lot of force behind her actions. Caleb understood that she’d protest but would accept if he said no. He stared at where their hands joined, his voice still lost somewhere inside of him. He was standing and being led to the dancefloor before he could consciously decide one way or another.</p><p>Beau flashed Caleb a shit eating grin as they approached, and he felt his cheeks warm with embarrassment. The crowd was too drunk to really pay attention to any one person now that the dance battle had ended. It wasn’t like everyone in the tavern was looking at him, but the eyes of all of his found family staring at him sure made it feel like it.</p><p>Caduceus waved a hand at him, unaware of how misplaced the gesture was. “Glad you could join us, Mr. Caleb.”</p><p>Caleb gave an equally awkward wave in response anyway.</p><p>Fjord was moving out of the dancefloor as Caleb and Veth walked up. He ducked his head down, his own cheeks a deeper shade of green. He scratched the back of his head and chuckled at seeing Caleb join them. “Looks like we’re all the unlucky ones then.”</p><p>“Don’t say that, Fjord!” Jester protested. “You were great out there!”</p><p>Fjord’s head snapped up, taken off guard. His mouth was agape as words escaped him for a moment. Caleb watched Veth and Beau make eyes at each other, snickering to themselves at Fjord’s reaction. “Oh. Um. Thanks, Jess.”</p><p>Jester giggled. Her head tilted back and forth as she cooed at him. “Any time, Fjooord. You should dance more often, ya know.”</p><p>“And Caleb should dance,” Veth interjected. She winked at Fjord, feeling kind enough to give him an out. The half-orc just ducked his head again, a shy smile on his face. “Right now. Come <em> on. </em>”</p><p>“Ja. Okay.” Caleb found himself tugged once more, and he again didn’t protest.</p><p>Most of the crowd was jiving to the beat of their own drum, too drunk to stay on rhythm to the fast paced music of the band. Caleb prided himself on knowing how to dance, but this wasn’t his comfort zone. He knew how to waltz and the steps to several ballroom dances. This freestyle, drunken party vibe wasn’t something he was accustomed to. Plus, his mind was still fading in and out to somewhere else. As soon as Veth let go of his hand, Caleb just focused on what Veth was doing and tried to mimic her movements.</p><p>Caleb zoned again, but his thoughts at least stayed here in the tavern. He watched the way the buttons on Veth’s dress glinted in the light and how her long braid of hair swayed with her wild movements. She wasn’t a great dancer by any means. Her arms were flailing all over the place, and her feet stomped about. Caleb didn’t realize he was smiling until he’d bumped into someone.</p><p>“Sorry!” A familiar--normally deeper--woman’s voice squeaked out. It was Yasha. She had been swaying, stiff as a board just moving the top half of her body to the music. She had tried a new dance move as she got bolder, but this result wasn't what she planned.</p><p>There was sincere frustration and confusion in Yasha's voice. She admitted, “I don’t know what I’m doing.”</p><p>“I think,” Caleb guessed after glancing around at a few others in the crowd, “that’s the point.”</p><p>Yasha looked down at herself then at Caleb and Veth. Caleb could see Yasha try to make sense of it all, lost in thought as she mumbled. It took him a minute to realize she was trying to talk to him, but the noise drowned out her words. After a few exchanges, he heard her say, “So, am I doing it right?”</p><p>It was actually relieving to have someone else here who felt as out of place as him. Caleb smirked as he eyeballed a man on the far side of the traven running towards a back room to likely puke his guts out. Caleb looked back at Yasha and shouted, “I think you have to be drunker.”</p><p>A similar smirk reflected on Yasha’s face. The two of them shared an amused look, both chuckled on the inside. When Caleb turned his attention back to Veth, she was grinning ear to ear at him. His eyes widened, feeling caught suddenly. The halfling put her weight into hip bumping him, not quite coming in contact with his hip when she leaped. Still, it threw him off balance regardless. She laughed with her full body, loud and shaking as Caleb righted himself. He found himself chuckling too.</p><p>The lively music didn’t last for much longer after Caleb started dancing. He was only on the dancefloor for a song and a half before the band switched it up. The bard with the fiddle who appeared to be their spokesperson stood up on a stool to catch everyone’s attention.</p><p>“Alright! Alright!” The man shouted after a laughing fit. You could still hear the adrenaline in his voice as he tried to steady his breath. “Let’s settle it back down, or else the owner will have my head! Don’t worry, it’s still got that <em> beat. </em> Something to calm the nerves, <em> and </em> spice it up if you know what I mean. This is for everyone looking for that special someone tonight. <em> Hearts Aflame In The Rain. </em>”</p><p>It was a beautiful song, Caleb admitted. The fiddle began to strum a rich, deep melody as a pan flute harmonized. There were still drums in the song, keeping it more upbeat than the average slow dance song. It appeased most of the patrons. The only groans of protest came from those who were far too drunk and needed to move on anyway. People were starting to leave the center of the tavern, either leaving the building altogether or retiring to an empty seating area.</p><p>Caleb was apt to join them. He started towards the new table the Mighty Nein had claimed before he felt a hand grip his sleeve. His eyes met Veth. The halfling was just standing there, calm. The wild dancing from before had long ceased, and the wicked and playful grin that had been on her face was gone. The two of them didn’t move for a minute, both caught in limbo. Caleb wasn’t sure why, but he felt his heart skip a beat.</p><p>“Caleb.” Veth’s tone was softer than it had been. Her voice could still be heard now that there wasn’t a bustling crowd. “Will you dance with me?”</p><p>Caleb felt frozen where he stood. He didn’t know how to move his legs anymore. His jaw was slack as he stared down into those deep brown eyes. “I--We were dancing.”</p><p>The beads of sweat on Caleb’s forehead were more apparent to him. The tavern felt too warm. He was wearing too many layers with his coat overtop. He ran his free hand through his hair, pushing back the strands of hair that had come loose from his ponytail. His chest tightened, and he felt his heart beating faster than normal in his chest. Why was he protesting now? He had already been persuaded to be here. This wasn’t any different.</p><p>“I know.” Veth smiled, amused by his deflection. Her voice remained soft. Caleb found himself staring at the dimples in her cheeks made by the stretch of her lips. “I’ll rephrase. May I have <em> this </em> dance?”</p><p>Her lips. They were chapped, cracked in one place, but full. Caleb felt his throat go dry. She still had his sleeve between her thumb and fingers. The music was soft and daring all at once. He couldn’t make out if it was the drums or his own heart he felt beat throughout his body. The hold she had on him wasn’t tight. He could leave her grasp if he wanted just like before. Yet, he found himself pulled in by some invisible force once more. He knew the answer long before it left him.</p><p>Caleb’s voice was barely audible above the music as his eyes met hers again. “...Of course you may, liebling.”</p><p>Goosebumps raised to his skin when Veth took hold of his hands and led him. They weren’t in the middle of the dancefloor much to Caleb’s relief. It would have been fine either way, but this felt more private on the edge of the circle. His heart didn’t slow at that thought. Was it better this way or worse? There were a few other couples--<em> people </em>--who had stayed on the floor. He dared not look at any of them, not wanting to chance seeing soft smiles and lingering touches to remind him of the atmosphere they were in. Caleb felt his face begin to warm anyway despite not looking. He tried to tell himself it was just from the earlier crowd and dancing.</p><p>Caleb stayed bent over in order to keep their hands together. Veth hadn’t let go and didn’t look like she was going to. She stepped closer into his space, and that gentle smile was still on her face as she peered up at him. One of the tavern workers was going around putting out some of the lanterns. The interior of the tavern wasn’t dim by any means, but it was the same stark bright party anymore. Some shadows fell over Veth, and the few lights in her eyes only drew Caleb in more.</p><p>“Caleb?”</p><p>He realized then that she’d said something. He shook his head a bit, pulling himself to consciousness. “Yes?”</p><p>“I said, I know today was rough,” Veth repeated. “Having to see Trent again and all that… I’m very proud of you.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“I mean it.” Her tone was soft but insistent. She squeezed one of his hands. “You’ve come so far. I wish you could see it.”</p><p>Caleb’s brow wrinkled. He felt a mix of bittersweet emotions. A tight smile formed on his face, but it was a genuine smile nonetheless. He confessed, “I do. I… I’m not the same man you met in that jail cell.”</p><p>“You don’t have to tell me.” Butterflies fluttered in Caleb’s stomach at her words. He had difficulty keeping her gaze. “I already know.”</p><p>They were quiet. The music played through the air, filling up the space around them. The two of them swayed to the music, and Caleb felt grounded for the first time tonight. His eyes swept down from her face to her yellow dress and the many buttons stitched into it. Her sandals each had a large sunflower accent attached to the top of them. Veth, mindful of Caleb’s back, guided them over to a table with wooden bench seating for her to stand on after a minute. The change only made light reflect off her buttoned dress even more as she swayed.</p><p>The smile slipped off Caleb’s face. His eyes kept getting drawn in to the way her hips moved back and forth to the melody.</p><p>Caleb moved a hand forward, feeling it shake every inch of the way. He rested it feather-light onto her waist. He wasn’t meeting her eyes, uncertainty curling in his gut. A warmth on his hand made him flinch. Veth had placed her hand on top of his, pressing it down ever so slightly. He took the hint and let himself hold her waist fully to guide them to the beat.</p><p>“You can lead,” Veth encouraged before teasing with a false warning. “This time.”</p><p>Caleb smirked despite his nerves. “Of course.”</p><p>The two of them slow danced together on the edge of the circle. The enriching chords of the fiddle filled the air around them as they swayed. The torches in the iron chandelier above them cast a flickering light down onto them as the edges of the tavern were in comfortable dim light. Caleb kept his hand on Veth’s waist while the other was still held in hers. His heart fluttered in his chest when Veth intertwined their fingers. When Caleb looked up from where their hands were woven, he found brown eyes staring at his face. </p><p>They weren’t as comically large as they always seemed to be when Veth had been a goblin. Her face was full, cheek round and eyes slits with the smirk that seemed ever present on her face. She smiled more now after feeling her rightful self in her right body. Caleb doubted he was the only one to notice her shift in mood. It was a wonder why she kept staying with the Nein. He knew she loved them all, yes, but there was always this longing in her look. Something else beckoned to her, calling her attention, and they all knew what it was. Of course something wonderful was waiting for her. Why wouldn’t it be? Veth deserved the world. She didn’t just deserve it, but she <em> had </em> it. Who were any of them to keep her from it? Who was Caleb to keep her now--here--as they danced?</p><p>The song ended on that thought. It felt both poetic and ugly in the way Caleb felt he deserved. He shouldn’t have been given this moment, but he was grateful for it. He was grateful for her. As more people were making their way off the dancefloor again while the bard spoke, Caleb raised their joined hands to press his lips against her skin.</p><p>“Thank you for this dance, Veth Brenatto.” There was finality lingering in the roughness of his voice.</p><p>It was brief, but Caleb swore he saw her smile falter. Though, he wasn’t sure why. She stepped off the bench before turning to give him a small curtsey. The sudden smile it brought to Caleb’s face was genuine as was the twisting inside his chest.</p><p>“My pleasure,” Veth said before pointing a finger up at him. Her tone was mock serious. “And if you tell anyone I stepped on your foot, I know where you sleep.”</p><p>A soft chuckle, more exhale left Caleb before he nodded. “I’ll take it to my grave.”</p><p>The Mighty Nein didn’t stay up for much longer. They drank one more round before leaving the place to go back to the inn they’d booked a room for. Beau was leaning on Yasha the entire way there, acting drunker than she. Meanwhile, Jester and Veth debated the attire choice of the band, complimenting and criticizing what they could do better to promote themselves. Caleb’s attention was on Veth the entire time. She was still smiling. It was strange as he watched her grin ear to ear with a wicked, snarky laugh. His brain matched it with the memories of her flashing goblin teeth when she was cracking jokes on someone. Both were her, but he never realized how off the goblin image looked until he saw the real deal now. This was her personality in full force. Not with fangs but with a crinkled nose and dimpled cheeks as she waved her arms.</p><p>Veth really was something special.</p><p>The inn they booked was seedy at best, but it didn’t matter as Caleb cast Widogast’s Nascent Nein-Sided Tower for everyone to stay in. Full off bar snacks, they didn’t really eat in the great hall. Jester ordered some sweets because of course, but everyone mostly wandered off to sleep. Caleb was splashing cool water onto his face in his room when he heard a quiet knock.</p><p>He wasn't surprised to see Veth standing on the other side of the door. It was a fifty-fifty chance it was her or Beau as they were the ones who most frequently sought him out. Concern wrinkled his brow anyway as he gazed down at the halfling standing in his doorway.</p><p>"Is everything alright?" His voice was soft, deeper now given the late hour.</p><p>Veth was still in her sunflower yellow dress. The long braid of her hair was lying over her shoulder as she met his gaze with a solemn and difficult to read look. She gave a small nod. "I'm fine. I wanted to check in with you again before bed."</p><p>"Ah. I'm alright."</p><p>"It's okay if you're not," Veth reminded. "Of course, it's okay if you are. I just mean it's okay either way."</p><p>A fond smile appeared on Caleb's face, but there was something haunted in his eyes still. There always was. "I know."</p><p>"I do want to be with you."</p><p>Something twisted in his gut. Anxiety, maybe. "Wh--?"</p><p>"The tower," Veth explained. Her tone was still serious, something hidden within it. "You said you could make room for me and my family. That way I don't have to be away from Yeza and Luc as much. That way I could be with you too."</p><p>Ah. Although the anxiety remained, Caleb felt the knot in his stomach start to uncurl. "Of course, Veth. You deserve to have that at the very least."</p><p>How could he convey that she deserved more than he could offer? He'd keep trying. Would it ever be enough?</p><p>Veth reiterated, "I want that. I want to be with you. I never… I never said it before. I want you to know Caleb that you're important to me too."</p><p>"I know, liebling. You don't need to spare me. All of us know how important Yeza and Luc are to--."</p><p>"No, that's not--," Veth interrupted and then cut herself off all at once. Her brow was a hard line. A sharp exhale left her in frustration as she stared off down the hallway. The urge to sink into the floor rose through Caleb as she regathered her thoughts. He felt like he was doing something wrong, and his own mind scrambled to find what the problem was.</p><p>Veth looked up at him then. The unreadable expression back on her face. Her voice was a lot calmer when she asked, "Caleb, can you kneel down please?"</p><p>Thoughts tangled up in Caleb’s brain. He felt himself disassociate for a second, drifting in the far corners of his mind to rummage for answers. He wasn't sure where he went wrong, or what Veth was needing from him. However, he was more than willing to fulfill this request if it meant righting that.</p><p>Caleb sank down to the floor and onto his knees in front of her. He leaned his weight back though to give her space even now. His posture was slouched, head tilted down to be as nondescript as possible. His ginger hair that was no longer in the ponytail it was earlier since dressing down for the night hung around his face.</p><p>The warm touch of her hands startled him. Veth cupped both sides of his face and tilted his head back up so they could meet each other's gaze.</p><p>"I want to be with you," Veth said again, a third time. Caleb had been recounting this conversation. What had he said wrong? What did she need him to say?</p><p>When Caleb stayed silent, Veth continued, "I was worried… I got my Yeza back. I got my <em> body </em> back, and I didn't know if that would change me. I didn't know how I'd feel about the Mighty Nein anymore, or how I'd feel about… I thought I'd want to leave, to go back to Felderwin, and never look back.</p><p>Veth paused. A small smile appeared on her face as humor traced the edges of her voice for a brief moment. "Don't get me wrong. I do want to go back to Felderwin. Beaches are overrated and dangerous. Luc doesn't need to be anywhere near the ocean. Anyway--."</p><p>Caleb couldn't help the faintest of smiles at that.</p><p>"--what I mean is all that didn't happen. It didn't change how I feel about this family. It didn't change how I feel about you."</p><p>From this distance, Caleb could see the dark ring around her irises and the small flecks in those brown eyes. He was drawn to them like a moth to a flame, fate sealed and unable to look away. He wasn't sure what expression was on his face, but there was sympathy on Veth's now, full of care. She was holding his face like he was something fragile and worth preserving. It made him want to run, hurry back into his bedroom, and slam the door. He was undeserving of such treatment.</p><p>"Caleb."</p><p>No, no, no. <em> Scheisse </em>. The way she said his name. It was too intimate. It was too much.</p><p>Veth asked, "Do you remember what I said to you right before the spell that gave me my body back? In Jester's Mom's bathroom?"</p><p>Caleb felt his face begin to burn. Of course, he did. He remembered everything. He remembered the way her hands shook as she rang them together. He remembered the small tremor in her voice as she toed the line between terror and thrill of what possibilities lied ahead. He remembered how she said goodbyes to the Nein, just in case, and what she said to him. </p><p>
  <em> “And Caleb, ya know… I love you… and you’re the second love of my life. Thank you for being with me.” </em>
</p><p>Caleb's chest tightened, heart drumming faster now. His whole body felt clammy as the pieces of that conversation and their conversation now were starting to click together. No. <em> No. </em> He felt like he was strapped into a cart barreling towards a cliff edge. This can’t be where this conversation was heading.</p><p>And yet.</p><p>Caleb nearly choked on his tongue. "Yes."</p><p>"I still mean it," Veth told him. "You're the second love of my life. I want you to know that. I would miss you just as much as I missed them."</p><p>"Veth, I--," Caleb's voice faltered. "I…"</p><p>"I hope that's okay with you." Veth's voice was small suddenly and--. <em> No, </em> Caleb was the only one who should be feeling this way right now. This was on him for being so foolish, so <em> selfish. </em> Whatever empathy Veth was trying to give him right now, he didn’t want it. It was bad enough that she knew. He didn’t need her to be kind about this.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Caleb managed to compose himself enough for this, voice quiet but tense. "I know you're a married woman. I didn't mean to overstep. This is already more than I deserve. Veth--."</p><p>"Shhh." Veth leaned forward to press their foreheads together, eyes close. Caleb didn’t realize he was shaking all over until now. He felt like he'd crumble to dust if she let go of him now. Another hum came from the back of her throat, and Caleb let his eyes slip close.</p><p>"You've been lost in your head so much tonight. I came to remind you that we're all here for you. That I'm here for you... I love you, Caleb. The same way you love me."</p><p>Caleb was too shaken to speak.</p><p>Veth leaned back. Caleb could feel her eyes on him, but he refused to look. There was a sincerity to her voice when she asked her next question--as if she was actually <em> considering </em> it. Why would she even--?</p><p>"Would it make it better or worse if I kiss you right now?"</p><p>Caleb was already pulling away as if slapped, head turning to the side. He felt gutted, couldn’t dare look at her. There was no masking the rawness in his voice. "Veth, please. I don't need this. I promise. I--. Scheisse."</p><p>"None of that.” One of Veth’s hands reached back up to cup his face. Her voice was firm but patient. “Just be honest. Do you want to kiss me or do you not want to kiss me?"</p><p>Maybe Caleb was wrong. His stomach tightened into a knot. Maybe he did deserve this after all. It seemed fitting punishment. Caleb's throat worked against the dryness. The weight in his voice would be carried all the way to his grave. "Yes."</p><p>"That doesn't--."</p><p>"Yes, I… I want to kiss you."</p><p>Caleb felt Veth’s thumb begin to rub small circles into his skin, grazing over the stubble on his cheek. Her tone softened. "Do you want me to kiss you right now, or no?"</p><p>"I do." He still didn’t open his eyes. He knew they’d be red if he did, feeling the sting. Caleb knew this confession was the nail in the coffin. He didn’t move, just waited for the inevitable disgust in her voice, waiting for her to shove him away.</p><p>None of that happened. Instead, Veth grabbed his face again with both hands. He let her turn his head forward, putty in her hands. She didn't hesitate, didn't let him linger in his thoughts. She kissed him with such certainty it near broke something within him. The feeling of her lips pressed against his sent a blissful white noise through his mind. The way she smelled was sharp like some kind of spice. Nothing existed but the taste of her, this closeness, the warmth of her breath when she pulled away.</p><p>They both lingered in each other’s spaces, not saying a word. Caleb opened his eyes and was met with a soft, dimpled smile. There was a warmth in her eyes.</p><p>“Do you want to be with me?” Veth murmured, an alteration to the statement said before. The white noise was still consuming his mind. There was too much to think about at once, and all Caleb could do was linger there in the abyss of it. His mind struggled to find the right words. Trying to grasp the thoughts in his mind felt like trying to grab steam.</p><p>“Veth--.”</p><p>She kissed him again. It was just a sweet press of their lips together, brief but sent a shiver down Caleb’s spine. She tried to reassure him. “I know it’s a lot to think about. We can talk about this another time.”</p><p>“Yeza?” Caleb asked, that question being the main puzzle piece that stuck out in his mind.</p><p>The warm smile that crest her lips didn’t falter. “He knows. We can talk about it later.”</p><p>The two of them stared at one another for a moment before Caleb nodded. Words still escaped him. Although anxiety tried to surface within him, the warmth that began in his chest and pulsed through him was stronger. Feeling brave, Caleb took hold of one of Veth’s hands. He pressed a kiss onto the top of it before placing his other palm overtop of it.</p><p>He nodded again and agreed, “Later.”</p><p>“Try not to stay up too late, okay? You need your rest.”</p><p>Caleb gave a small smile before standing to his feet. “Good night, Veth The Brave.”</p><p>“Good night, Caleb.”</p><p>Rest didn’t come easy. The events of earlier that day with the Cerberus Assembly still weighed on him, but his shoulders weren’t as heavy with it anymore. The warmth that encased his heart overpowered both the thoughts and the anxiety that tried to rival it. He had Veth’s voice in his mind, telling him to get some sleep. Everything could be thought about in the morning. Caleb lied on his back in bed for a while, staring up at the ceiling.</p><p>
  <em> I want to be with you. </em>
</p><p>It was those words, the image of her dancing without care in the tavern tonight, and the feeling of her lips pressed against his that lulled him to sleep.</p>
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